


Being Gay in the Modern World: A guide for the contemporary homosexual

by cockslut3000



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Fanart, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:06:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19128898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cockslut3000/pseuds/cockslut3000
Summary: Bill and Ted have always had feelings for each other; they both just need a bit of a push in order to realize it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy bill and ted day (which also happens to be my birthday)!!! 6/9 dudes!!!!!!!!!

CH 1

"You've gotta be kidding me. This is your plan?" 

"Yes sir," Ted mumbled, not wanting to look his father in the eye for fear of triggering his anger even more. He had told Captain Logan he was planning to move into an apartment and look for a job, and he'd actually thought his father would be proud of him for taking control of his life. He supposed he should've known better; his father had never expressed pride towards his children before, why would he start now? 

"You're not prepared to live alone. You've learned absolutely no discipline, how do you plan to get anywhere in life? I knew I should have sent you to Oates."

"But dad, I won't be alone, I'll have Bill." 

His father crossed his arms and sneered and Ted immediately realized he maybe should have left that part out. 

"Ohh, I get it now. Kid is nice to you and you keep following him around like a puppy. You need to man up and stop being so childish. There are more important things in life than goofing around and debasing yourself with your band and your little fag boyfriend -"

Ted couldn't stand this any more. "Don't talk about Bill like that!" 

He stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him. He could hear his father behind him shouting for him to come back - or maybe not to come back, he couldn't be sure and honestly he didn't really care. He ran all the way to the Circle K and didn't slow down even when his sides began to cramp. 

He finally made it there and stopped outside to catch his breath and fish around in his pockets for enough change to buy a candy bar, but to his dismay he had nothing more than a single dime. This day was turning out to be most non- _ non _ -heinous. He suddenly felt incredibly exhausted and sat down on the curb, burying his head in his arms. He hadn't cried in a while, and certainly not in public, but right now he was too miserable to even care who saw him and he just let it out. 

"Ted?" 

Ted jumped and stopped crying abruptly. He tried to wipe his eyes as subtly as he could before raising his head. 

"Hey, how's it hanging Bill," he said with all the cheer he could muster up. Of course, Bill saw right through it. He sat down on the curb next to Ted and draped an arm over his shoulders. 

"What's the matter dude?" 

Ted sighed and dropped the act. "The usual. My dad." 

"Oh. You told him you were moving out?" 

"Yeah. He reacted most dreadfully in ways I did not expect." 

He couldn't tell Bill about the exact words his father had used. It seemed too sensitive a subject to bring up, and anyway he was used to it. At least he was used to being the target but now that it was directed towards Bill he no longer felt like he could just put up with it. 

"Bill… I don't think I can go back home just yet. Mind if I stay at your place tonight?" 

"Of course, dude, any time. Tomorrow we can start looking for a place to live. Soon you won't have to go back to your dad's house at all."

"Thanks, Bill."

Bill stood and held out a hand. "Come on, I'll get us some snacks."

 

~

 

Ted threw himself onto Bill’s bed and sighed loudly, staring gloomily at the ceiling. Bill dropped an armful of chip bags onto his chest and lay down beside him, tearing open a bag of cracker jacks. 

He nudged Ted with his shoulder. 

“Cheer up Ted, it’ll be alright.” He tossed a piece of popcorn into the air above him, trying unsuccessfully to catch it in his mouth. This brought a reluctant smile to Ted’s face and Bill, noticing this, aimed the next popcorn for Ted’s mouth. Ted caught it and grinned at Bill, unable to remain in a negative mood for very long around him. 

He didn’t know what Captain Logan had against Bill - Ted couldn’t imagine why his father wouldn’t want him spending time with the only person who made him happy just by being there. Then he remembered what his father had called Bill, and it occurred to him that maybe that was exactly why he didn’t like him. Ted had always thought he was just using that word as an insult, but now he was starting to suspect that he meant it literally. He had never talked about Bill like that before; usually he just said those things about Ted. Now Ted began to wonder if his dad hated him because he really thought he was gay. What could the signs have been? You didn’t get called a fag as often as Ted did without there being some kind of hint. Ted couldn’t think of a specific occasion that he’d ever done something that could be construed as gay. At least not that anyone knew about, because no one could read his thoughts, right? And anyway, thoughts didn’t make someone gay. It was just a normal appreciation for physical beauty, it wasn’t like he’d acted on anything, or even really thought about a lot of other men. He couldn’t be gay if he didn’t generally notice other hot guys. In fact, he could only think of one guy he was attracted to, and they were best friends, so it didn’t count. 

He turned his head now and looked at Bill. He had to admit he was a most gorgeous dude. He sort of reminded Ted of some of the ancient statues they’d seen on their adventures through time, with his elegantly chiseled features and curly hair. He sighed again, much softer this time. 

He hated the idea of his dad being right about anything, but maybe, just this once, he was, and Ted had absolutely no idea what to do with that information. 

“Bill, I know I usually sleep on the extra mattress, but would it be alright if I stayed here tonight?”

Bill looked surprised but not bothered. “Sure, Ted. You don’t have to be alone.”

Ted smiled. Bill always knew what he was thinking. 

If Bill noticed Ted’s arm snake around him in the middle of the night, he didn’t mention it in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> art by me!


	2. Chapter 2

CH 2

Bill and Ted stood in their apartment together for the first time since they signed the lease and it became their home for the foreseeable future. 

“Whoa.”

“You said it, Bill!”

Their very own place. Bill couldn’t believe they’d done it. Everything was coming together! They had girlfriends, jobs, and their own home. They could do whatever they wanted all day and their parents couldn’t control them anymore. Well, except for the fact that they still had to use Bill’s garage for band practice, because no landlord in their right mind would let the two of them plug in their amps in an apartment building. But Bill’s dad didn’t bother them much these days; after Missy had left him he’d been too depressed to care about much of anything. He mostly moped and drank and kept to himself. Bill had been a little worried to leave him alone in the house, but his father insisted he was just at a low point and it wouldn’t last. Bill had witnessed enough of his father’s breakups to know this was normal and he would turn out fine. Though, it didn’t help matters that Missy had married Ted’s dad right after. He supposed that sort of made the two of them stepbrothers, but for some reason that didn’t sound right to him. 

Ted cocked his head and locked around at the empty living room.

“Hey, Bill, where do we get furniture?” 

There was an issue they’d overlooked. “I do not know, Ted. We are most tight on cash. You feel like driving around to see if anyone’s left anything on the curb?”  
“Let’s do it, dude!”

That evening they ordered Chinese takeout straight from China using their phone booth, and ate it sitting on their newly acquired but not-so-new sofa (which they’d covered with a blanket, just to be safe). 

Bill had never felt so at home as he did now.


	3. Chapter 3

CH 3

Ted stood stock still holding the phone to his ear long after the call had ended, trying to process the conversation, while Bill sat on the bed bouncing his leg anxiously. 

“Ted? What did our fiancees say?”

Ted swallowed, finally putting the phone down. “Bill, my friend, I don’t think the princesses are our fiancees any longer.”

“Oh… oh.”

Ted wouldn’t admit it to Bill, but he was secretly relieved that the babes had dumped them. He had sort of considered breaking up with Elizabeth, but they were all such a perfect team that he hated to disrupt the order of things over something small. He still liked Lizzy, but when he was alone with her he always felt awkward and wished Bill was there so he wouldn’t always have to think of something to say. With Bill he never had to think about what to say.

Bill frowned. “Did they say why?”

“The want to focus more on themselves and finding their place in this world. They didn’t want their lives to revolve around men.”

“Oh. And  _ we’re  _ men.”

“Yeah. They still want to be in the band, though.”

Bill brightened. “Oh! Well… then that’s okay, I guess.”  
“Really? You’re not upset?”

“I should be… But I think I’m alright with it. How about you, Ted?”

“I think I’m alright with it too, Bill.”

Bill hesitated and then stood up, bringing Ted into a hug. Ted immediately relaxed at the feeling of Bill holding him in his arms so tenderly. He was so warm and his body was so close… Oh no.  _ Don’t get a boner don’t get a boner please don’t get a boner!  _ Not  _ now _ , this was the worst possible timing for this kind of reaction! He pulled away swiftly before Bill picked up on the way he was feeling right now. Ashamed, he let his hair fall over his eyes and hide his face. 

“I gotta pee,” he said, and absconded.

In the bathroom he calmed himself down and thought about his situation. Now that he wasn't with Lizzy anymore, he was free to date anyone else he wanted. Maybe it was a little soon after his breakup to start dating again, but life was short and Ted didn't want to waste a minute. He knew who he wanted to be with, and he might as well ask him out. 

When he left the bathroom Bill was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. 

"Hey, Ted. Fruit loops?"

"Hey, Bill. No thanks. Bill?"

"Yes, Ted?"

"I love you." 

"I love you too, Ted. You're my best friend." He put down his spoon. "Are you sure you're alright about the princesses? You seem kind of… Serious."

"Yeah, totally." Bill wasn't understanding what Ted was trying to tell him. "It's just… we don't need the princesses. We have each other." 

"Of course we do. We'll always be together, Ted. You don't have to worry."

Ted knew they'd always stick together, because they were family. Bill didn't have to reassure him of that. But he wanted more than that. He wanted them to be  _ together  _ together. He struggled to think of something to say to show Bill what he really meant. What did people usually say when they asked each other out? 

"Bill, do you want to see a movie? I think the new Terminator is out."

"Good idea, Ted. We deserve to treat ourselves, we just went through a breakup." 

Bill still didn't get it! Either that or he was pretending not to understand to let Ted down easy. Or maybe this was a bad time; after all, they'd just been dumped. This might not be such a good idea… Ted really didn't want to ruin their friendship over a silly crush. He decided it would be best to just let it go for now. He plastered his usual grin on his face. 

"Cool. I'll drive."


	4. Chapter 4

CH 4

Bill sat with the princesses in the mall food court as they went through their shopping bags excitedly, exhibiting each item they’d bought. Most of it was colorful clothing; the babes adored the styles of the 80’s. Then Joanna reached into a smaller bag and pulled out a few books, one of which caught Bill’s eye.

“ _ Being Gay in the Modern World?  _ Why’d you buy this?”

Elizabeth smiled. “She is most fascinated by self help books, though I told her she doesn’t need a book to tell her how to be happy.”

Ah, there was the confusion. “Babes, the word  _ gay  _ does indeed mean happy but recently it has acquired another meaning. Being gay means being homosexual.”

“Homosexual?”

“It means when a guy loves another guy or a girl loves another girl.” 

Joanna smiled. “I understand! Like you and Ted.”

“What? No, it means when two guys are  _ together _ . Like the way a guy and a girl are together. Like they have feelings for each other.” 

Elizabeth frowned. “Like you and Ted.” 

Bill wasn’t sure how to spell it out any more clearly. “No, like…. They have sex with each other.” 

“Oh. Do they have to? Must one have sex to be in love?”

“Well… I guess not.”

Joanna nodded. “We were in love, if only briefly, and we never had sex.”

“True,” Bill agreed.

She smiled. “Bill, it seems to me that you and Ted do everything people do when they are in love, apart from sex.” 

“Well, maybe, but we don’t kiss! I think you have to kiss if you’re in love.” 

Bill considered this. It was not like he wouldn’t kiss Ted; he was pretty. Like a babe. Not like a  _ girl  _ babe, though… Ted looked very much like a boy. Just… a most elegant and beautiful boy. 

The princesses watched him flail and exchanged a glance. Elizabeth leaned forward. 

“Bill, do you want to kiss Ted?”

Bill stuttered. “I - um, I mean…” He didn’t. Did he? Maybe? “I……. yeah. I guess so. But… I’m not gay. I think. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay… but people get made fun of for it.”

“For loving someone?”

“Yeah, I dunno, it’s stupid. I guess I don’t care if people don’t like me for loving Ted, but…”

Bill suddenly realized what he’d just said and it was like something clicked in his brain. Of course he loved Ted! He’d been such a bonehead; if he’d only taken a second to think about it it would’ve been obvious to him. When he thought about the future, he only ever imagined himself with Ted. And now he wondered if the reason Ted had been acting so weird lately had anything to do with this… Thing between them. Ted was always smarter about feelings, there was no way Bill could have caught on before him. 

“Um, catch you later babes. I have to find Ted.” At this the princesses grinned at each other and air-guitared triumphantly.

 

~

 

_ Find _ was just a figure of speech; Bill and Ted always knew where the other was on the rare occasion they weren’t together. Bill knew Ted would be at home because his shift at Pretzels ‘n Cheese was over and whenever they had separate shifts they always brought each other milkshakes from the Circle K. However, today he couldn't wait to get home and see Ted, so hopefully Ted would forgive him for skipping out on the milkshakes. 

He sped home from the mall as fast as he could without fear of being stopped. He knew what he wanted to do but it scared the crap out of him. He spent the entire drive going over the pros and cons in his head, but he kept forgetting the previous items on the list so he gave up and tossed it in his mental recycling bin (he was an environmentally conscious dude, and that included the environment inside his brain). This wasn't the kind of thing you could really plan. 

He fumbled with his key in the doorknob but his hands were shaking so hard that the key wouldn't find purchase and he dropped it. He bent to retrieve it but before he could try unlocking the door again it swung open and Ted stood before him. 

“Bill my friend! I was beginning to think someone was attempting a break in!” 

Bill, anxious as he was, must've startled visibly, because Ted's smile faded. “Bill? Is something the matter?” 

Bill took a deep breath, and before he could chicken out, stepped over the threshold into the apartment and took Ted’s face in his hands. Ted looked surprised but didn't flinch away, so Bill prayed he had the right idea and squeezed his eyes shut before standing on his tiptoes and gently pressing his lips to Ted's. Ted froze in quiet shock and after a couple of seconds Bill pulled away slowly, his heart sinking. Ted stared at him, eyes wide. 

“Ted… ” 

Before he could try to explain himself, Ted reached past him, pushed the door shut, and pulled Bill close to him, kissing him fiercely. 

Bill lost all train of thought except one word:  _ whoa _ . 

He pulled away, breathless, and met Ted’s eyes. What he saw there made him practically swoon and he leaned back against the door, pulling Ted down again. Ted crowded him into the door and he began to feel claustrophobic on account of how much taller Ted was, so he grabbed Ted’s shirt and switched their positions so that Ted was the one against the door, Bill’s leg pushed between his. He pressed his lips to Ted’s jaw and Ted let out a soft whine, his body trembling slightly. Bill peppered kisses all along Ted’s throat and up his chin before meeting his lips softly. He felt heat start to pool inside his entire physical being and guessed that Ted was feeling similarly, judging by the way his breathing became more erratic. 

“Bed?” whispered Bill. 

“Absolutely.” 

Bill led Ted to his own bed, the cleaner of the two (Ted was always eating cheetos in bed). Bill pushed him onto the bed and Ted grabbed him as he went down. They both giggled as they fell together clumsily. Bill sat up, straddling Ted, and pulled his button-up shirt over his head, revealing a crop top underneath. Teds laughter stopped abruptly as his breath caught in his throat at the sight of Bill’s midriff. 

“Can I…” 

Bill nodded. Ted reached up and Bill shivered as his hands slid under his shirt, wrapping around his ribs. His jeans were starting to become tight and he shifted, feeling Ted’s own hardness underneath him. He carefully reached for the button of Ted’s pants, holding his gaze for any sign that Ted wanted him to stop. Ted just gripped his torso harder, pulling him down for a kiss. Bill undid both their jeans but paused before going any further.

“It’s not too late to stop… If you’re not… “

“Bill, I am most eager to continue if you are too.”

Bill gave a giddy laugh. “I am.” 

"Excellent." Ted flipped them over so he was on top of Bill and pulled Bill’s waistband down to expose his dick. He moved so that his face was level with it and Bill moaned at the realization of what he was about to do. Ted grinned and then wrapped his mouth around him. He reached up and pushed Bill’s crop top all the way up past his nipples, running his hands over Bill’s chest as he sucked him off. It was pure bliss. Bill gripped the sheets tightly to avoid the urge to push Ted’s head down; he knew you weren't supposed to do that. He had his eyes squeezed shut but he opened them to check on Ted. He looked down to find Ted watching him, one hand on Bill’s stomach and the other in his own pants, and the sight almost brought him over the edge. 

“Ted, wait!”

Ted got the picture and replaced his mouth with his hand, coming up to kiss Bill long and hard. Bill lasted only a few more seconds before coming into Ted’s hand.

He reached between them and palmed Ted’s hard on, causing him to gasp without ever breaking their kiss. He wrapped his hand around Ted and started to jerk him off. Ted moved even closer to him so that his cock also rubbed against Bill’s. It was the most bodacious thing that had ever happened to Bill. Finally Ted shuddered and came hard, wetness spreading between them as he collapsed onto Bill. Bill wrapped his arms around Ted and they both lay there panting, sweaty and euphoric. 

Eventually Ted’s body began to feel heavy on top of Bill and the stickiness between them started to become uncomfortable. As if reading his mind, Ted finally sat up and used the nearest item of clothing to wipe them both off. 

"Bill… That was a most sudden and triumphant turn of events."

"Ted, I agree wholeheartedly."

They grinned and did a mini air guitar with their fingers on each others palms. This time Bill kept hold of Ted’s hand and studied their entwined fingers.

"Ted my friend… I didn't get around to telling you but I have the most romantic of feelings for you." He felt elated; this had gone better than he could’ve ever hoped. “I was afraid you would react most heinously.”

"How could I? I have been in love with you for ages."

Bill looked up in surprise. He had never known Ted to keep a secret for more than a few hours, and here was the biggest secret ever and he’d managed to keep it for  _ ages?  _

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Ted pushed his hair out of his eyes and smiled at Bill. "I tried! You are  _ most _ oblivious at times." 

“Oh.” Bill thought hard and then shook his head. “When?”

Ted burst into laughter. “Right after the princesses dumped us? When I said I loved you?”

Bill’s face burned. “You really meant it then? Like, not just as a friend?”

“Yeah Bill, you moron!”

“Shut up, Ted!”

Ted grinned and kissed him before pulling away suddenly.

"Hey, you didn't bring milkshakes!" 

 

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> art by me!


End file.
